We Are All Of Us Haunted.

Whenever I read one of your “I’m so happy to finally be living my dreams!” posts I always add a set of parenthesis in my head that reads “(And all I had to do was betray the only person who stuck up for me when nobody else would even bother to work with me because I’m an untrustworthy manipulative snake!) Then I realize that it would never fit because it’s way more than 140 characters.

I am the north star, and I will guide you home.
I’ll bring you back to my heart again.
I’ll point you in the right direction,
And love you now as I did then.

So make me a compass.
I promise to always stay true.
Oh, I know you’d be lost without me,
Cause I’ve been lost without you.

So make me a shelter from the storm.
Make me the hands that keep you warm.
And know that when the world falls apart,
You can fall into my arms.
And come Hell or high water,
We’ll still have each other.

Sooner or later you start to fall in love with little pieces of someone. Maybe it’s something they say, or maybe it’s the way that they say it.  It might even be something as simple as the sound of their voice. The way that they say your name. The way that they smile, that smile that hides their eyes, that smile that tells you no one has ever been as lucky as you are right now, and no one ever will be. The way that they look at you, the freckles in their eyes, and the way that their hair smells. Their fake plastic jewelry. It’s cheap and tacky but it grows on you in the same way you catch yourself singing along to the radio, belting out the words to a pop song you used to hate. Sooner or later you realize that all of these little things have become a part of you, and you have to ask yourself if you’re really ready to give them all up. But you already know you’re going to have to let them go eventually, because sooner or later you’re going to lose someone if you really love them. So you keep your guard up, you never let it down, not for a minute. And you watch those beautiful brown eyes grow impatient, as they grow to resent you. You never see that smile anymore, that smile that made you somebody, that smile that you’ve always taken for granted.

And sooner or later here you are, all alone with what’s left of your pride and an empty bottle of whiskey. And sure you could keep calling, you could continue to make a fool of yourself in hopes that sooner or later one of your drunken phone calls will end differently. But the truth is that even if you had it all to do over again you’d still probably be just as stubborn and selfish as you’ve always been. You’d still dwell on the past instead of learning from it. No, you haven’t learned a fucking thing. You’re living proof that some people never change, and that some people just don’t know when to grow up. You’re just a confident, comfortable mess, and that’s all you’ll ever be. Every man kills what he loves most in life, and unfortunately you’ve never loved anyone but yourself.